will it come back?

The last few days I have been very quiet for the simple reason that my life is mainly dominated by thoughts I keep on squeezing up and up again in my brain - like a tube of toothpaste which is empty but that can still be used to get a little out of. These thoughts I squeeze are beautiful in nature and concern my time in Hong Kong. I am raiding people's Facebook accounts, looking at their pictures, being amazed how much I missed out when being in that exact place. I want the time back and that's why I keep on squeezing and pressing until my head hurts and I find myself in the state of pitty I found myself in a couple of times when being in that exact place. Realizing it's over only came now. It only came now that I realize it's over, that nothing can bring back these times and that I have to accept that fact. I cannot bring all the people and the exact environment together to just live on and on and on. I will meet people again but will it be the same? Won't it be more like: "Oh dear, do you remember that time?", indulging ourselves with what used to be rather than to concern ourselves with what is and what will be? I guess time is and always was my enemy in so far as I would love to put time on stop and experience certain moments or spans of time forever or at least something more imaginable.

At the same time I should be so grateful being as privileged as I am to have had the experiences and to change with them. And here I am, seeming to fail but still not giving up hope to bring it back to something I cannot bring back. I am overly melancholic as well. I think most people are when they think of times that were lifechangingly good. They (including myself here) seem to oversee negative experiences that used to be part of the positive whole which again makes them seem positive.

Just thoughts. Nothing more.

of flies and men.

I'm lately beset by thoughts of how men differ from animals. They don't. Well, let's say men are complicated animals - at least I do think that.

I am basically talking about myself here, since this is the only reference I have. You see, I have not yet discussed this topic so I'd like to know if you, dear reader, would agree or disagree with my point of view.

Now, the basic argument to defend my thesis is a trivialization. That's why I took one of the, in my eyes purest of mother nature's animals - the fly. Pure, because their life is very short and only serves the purpose of surviving to give birth to small flies within a couple of days after their birth. Is already this a similarity?

The fly sat down and started cleaning itself on my arm. It simply strapped off the ballast that clung to its legs and flew again. I watched it flying abrupt turns with a system that could not have been any more unclear to me. I drank my coffee, feeling for this small insect that obviously was as confused as me when I am walking in a supermarket, trying to figure out what to eat. Similarity number two. At a certain point this confusion had passed as the fly began to fly towards a small girl sitting next to my table. It sat down on her neck, obviously attracted by the moisture human skin produces in small quantities. It started cleaning its legs again and eventually started to suck up the thin layer of moist.

And so do we. We are no different than flies or any other being. The only thing that distinguishes us from them is triviality. Our problems seem to be so complex for we don't see that they consist of several small attributes - small pieces that are problems themselves, be it laziness, unwillingness or just fear. Whereas the fly straps off all its ballast that hinders it from tasting, flying straight or eating properly, we push problems. Everyone does. I believe there is no one that gets rid of all problems that may hinder the way. The fly does. It simply cleans itself. And that's what makes us complicated. The bigger the problem, the more numerous are the attributes from which it evolves and the more people it involves, either directly or indirectly connected.

Our life basically consists of small problems, just like the fly's life exists of an urge to find new food, or just to survive as long as it can to give birth to as many flies as it can (which can be a problem because they are so annoying to us). These problems give that fly a reason to exist. It knows (or maybe not): "I don't know much but I have to give birth to some other flies in order for us to survive. And I am hungry. What's that long thing in my face called again?!? Damn it....my brain's simply too small. Flag it!"

We should just do it like the fly and confront our problems right away in order to keep them fairly small. I think that humans develop more and more towards being so complicated that a distortion or even an abstraction of mind sets or the being itself takes place. Is there a human being that is just as trivial as a fly? Is this even desirable? Do we want to get rid of our problems straight away or do we have to keep them within us because we exist to be thrilled by something?

Well, I am back. Back in the country that should've served as my transition before coming to Germany. But here I am after all. The reality slowly catches up with me as my mind slowly focuses on matters that do matter. Studying obviously for the moment, internship applications later. I am excited to see where the world will put me but at the same time I feel the solitude of a student who has only 4 months at his University. Such a short time and still so many things to accomplish. I am sitting in my newly decorated room, trying not to think too much about what is going to come. Fukuyama does not really help me to get on with this thought but at least it's some kind of distraction.

The end of history? Certainly not.