The last few days I have been very quiet for the simple reason that my life is mainly dominated by thoughts I keep on squeezing up and up again in my brain - like a tube of toothpaste which is empty but that can still be used to get a little out of. These thoughts I squeeze are beautiful in nature and concern my time in Hong Kong. I am raiding people's Facebook accounts, looking at their pictures, being amazed how much I missed out when being in that exact place. I want the time back and that's why I keep on squeezing and pressing until my head hurts and I find myself in the state of pitty I found myself in a couple of times when being in that exact place. Realizing it's over only came now. It only came now that I realize it's over, that nothing can bring back these times and that I have to accept that fact. I cannot bring all the people and the exact environment together to just live on and on and on. I will meet people again but will it be the same? Won't it be more like: "Oh dear, do you remember that time?", indulging ourselves with what used to be rather than to concern ourselves with what is and what will be? I guess time is and always was my enemy in so far as I would love to put time on stop and experience certain moments or spans of time forever or at least something more imaginable.
At the same time I should be so grateful being as privileged as I am to have had the experiences and to change with them. And here I am, seeming to fail but still not giving up hope to bring it back to something I cannot bring back. I am overly melancholic as well. I think most people are when they think of times that were lifechangingly good. They (including myself here) seem to oversee negative experiences that used to be part of the positive whole which again makes them seem positive.
Just thoughts. Nothing more.
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